My babies walk past you and do not stop
They do not recognise you
You – who gave me life, and they – who are my life – do not know each other
I see the sadness in your eyes
Disappointment…
The longing for something better that you didn’t ever have the strength to fight for.
Do you want them to know your face?
To know you?
Did you want them to stop in their tracks, as soon as they saw you, and yell “Grandad!!”?
I’m sure you did. I’m sure you would want to have the relationship with them that you almost had with us. But you don’t know how.
I could blame you.
Easily…
I could say “There!” That’s what you get for practically ignoring them their whole lives. Why should they know who you are?
You have only made yourself known perhaps 3 times in all the 5 and 7 years they’ve been in this world”
But I don’t.
I just feel sorry for you. Sorry that when you’ve finally made an effort, you finally called and organised for your family to get together…when you are standing on those steps, all alone, waiting (like I did all those times) with your old, sad face – watching and waiting for us to cross the road – your two Grandsons walked straight past you.
Bounding up the stairs, bold and cheeky as only young boys can be, they didn’t acknowledge you at all.
I know you felt that. I saw it in your eyes
I told them to come back and “say hello”…and they did.
But you already knew.
It was obvious that they didn’t recognise you.
Didn’t know you from all the other strangers standing on those steps that morning…
I would have put the blame solely on you, felt anger and perhaps a sense of karma.
But you bent down and quietly said to them…”You don’t know me, do you? No, of course you wouldn’t, I haven’t seen you many times…”
And I knew you felt responsible
I knew you had regret
…so all I felt was sadness