crap I say, life, Poetry

I’m an asshole too, just a slightly more enlightened one

“To feel safe in our own skin
To feel sure of our own convictions
To feel strong amidst the chaos

To see things as they really are
To be a part yet be apart…”

Tonight it became crystal clear to me, in my post work-dinner semi-tipsy state…feeling lost and far from home surrounded by would be friends and accidental potential accomplices, that people are, to be perfectly honest, when all is said and done…
(how do I put this without offending?)

assholes

Not intentionally, not even accidentally but simply because we are wired that way.

Now, before everyone gets all up in my grill telling me what an asshole I am for saying that….(ironic much?) please remember…I said people….and last time I checked (although it has been a while since I last looked, so who knows…it may have changed) I too, am a “people” so I include myself in this truthful – if somewhat derogatory -generalization….

We bitch, we moan, we find fault with every thing and everyone. We take sides,we power trip our way in and out of things, and when all is said and done we try to act like we aren’t in fact just desperate human beings waiting for a moment of recognition and understanding.

Yes, even sweet lil ol’ me!

Tonight though, initially entranced and tempted by the endless stories of “she did”, “he said”, the power struggles and personality clashes I soon witnessed a strange thing happening….I didn’t buy in to it! I didn’t take sides, I didn’t feel hate for those around me who were so ugly in their efforts for peer domination. I didn’t feel a need to save anyone. I didn’t blindly take on board others negativity or defend my position even when provoked. I let the various bad energies around that table moan and sigh, clash and battle, escalate and crash…and I just witnessed it.

I was comfortable in my own separateness and my own complete humanness that allowed me to simultaneously be a part of the scenery and yet apart from the scene.

Oh, the joy of being able to choose silence! Oh the bliss of peaceful surrender and the blossoming of inner quiet……..it’s like wrapping your head in bubble wrap and just vaguely being aware of all the negativity surrounding you. You can still see it’s happening, you can hear the muffled ugliness, but you are unable to contribute or even completely take it all in…

What a relief!!

To realise that it doesn’t HAVE to be a drama. It doesn’t have to cause chaos or disharmony in your world. It really can just “be”…..

I feel totally liberated!
And do you know what? I might just make this a habit!

Oh, but don’t worry, I’m still very much capable of being an asshole.

I’m just choosing not to be.

Life’s so much nicer this way…

Mandy xx

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1 thought on “I’m an asshole too, just a slightly more enlightened one”

  1. Asshole is such a distasteful word. It should be left for the people who really are assholes. I prefer the the term egocentric. Living from your ego. It’s very similar to being an asshole. Hehe. You my darling girl are not even close to being an asshole. 🙂

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