Thoughts on life, Thoughts on self

Tired and sick….or sick and tired?

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I’m exhausted today

EX-HAUS-TED

Not the “I’ve had a bad night sleep” or “woken up a bit too early” kind of tired….but a heavy, dreary, sickly, can’t lift my arms, “kill me now” kind of exhaustion that can only mean one of 3 things.

1. I’m pegnant. Ummm, hell no. That ship has well and truly sailed (as in, I can just see it on the horizon but can’t actually make out the colour of the pirate flag on the crows nest fullblown departure) No. That’s definitely not the reason…

2. I’m “coming down with something”. Possibly….I do seem to use this excuse a lot. Then again, I do seem to “come down with things” a lot. I won’t really know for sure for another day or two…when I will either become actually sick…or lament to anyone who’ll listen about how tired I was the other day for no apparent reason.

Or…..

3. Life has just caught up. When I really stop and think about it – life has been kind of pissing me off lately…

Even when I try to be congenial.
Even though I smile. (A lot)
Even when I’ve read Deepak Chopras latest best seller til I feel as though I actually wrote it myself
Even when I’ve meditated til I’m on the ceiling, looking down at my own little pissed off self…

Even though I try to love my job, understand my family and everything they are going through, be grateful, deep breathe, eat well, exercise, be happy exactly where I am, (cause it’s “exactly where I need to be”…trust me, I know ’cause The Universe told me!) trust my instincts, follow my guides, visualise a better future, eat fruit/remind my boys to eat fruit/buy more fruit, filter my water, and get 8 hours sleep….

…life is still hard.

(no wonder I’m so friggen tired)

I think I might go take a Panadol

or a pregnancy test.

I’ve decided that option 3 just isn’t an option anymore.

And I’m tired just thinking about it…..

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