Thoughts on life

Somebody’s son

Driving home from my dance lesson tonight I saw flashing lights at the intersection I was approaching and felt annoyed at the assumption of road works.

The closer I got the more clearer the situation became…lights became tow trucks, warning others to slow down to avoid the two twisted car wreckage’s sitting in the road.

Duty and curiosity combined as I slowed to survey what had happened…I approached the white car that was sitting conspicuously and incongruently right in the middle of the intersection

White car

Pop up head lights

P plates

(Just like my sons car…)

Time seemed to slow as I wound down my window

Searching for a number plate that had seemingly been smashed off the car I caught a brief glimpse in the dark – as I passed through the intersection – of what looked like a shark shaped scratch on the bumper…

Distinct

Recognisable

One of a kind

(Just like the one on my sons car)

My sons car

OH MY GOD

Heart racing, thoughts gone cold, panic and realisation arrived together in my throat as I looked past the wreckage and saw a young, dark haired boy sitting in pain and shock surrounded by kind hearted witnesses to the crash and in that moment I saw my son

my car threw itself into a U-turn and took me back

I wasn’t aware of anything else but my son as I got out of my car

(My son)

My son?

Oh god please no, not my son!

The next 15 seconds were silently filled…

…by the sight of a number plate I didn’t recognise…

A black soft top roof..

A different car?

(Not my sons car)

NOT MY SON

A man standing on the verge, possibly drawn from his nearby house by the commotion asked me if I was okay?

“I thought it was my sons car…” was all I could say

Relief

Relief

Relief

* * *

“But it is somebody’s son”

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Thoughts on life

The pea that perplexed me

I’m a perfectionist

Most days I hover somewhere halfway between “order really pleases me” and full blown Rain Man and on those especially neurotic days even I can’t quite believe my inability to cope with change and disorder

It’s normal to notice spelling mistakes in books and professional publications, right?

Common to order your wardrobe by type of clothing first and length of sleeve/hem etc next…no?

Keep lists of the lists you need to create?

Plan everything down to such detail that you could probably organise your own funeral today, if hit by a bus yesterday??

Down right sensible to insist on eating in the same restaurant every single time an opportunity to eat our arises? (Yes??)

I noticed this oddly placed picture of a pea…in an awesome new restaurant I agreed to try, only because it was 2 hours away from my usual preference due to a work trip…which was not aligned properly to the cow

(The pea that is, not the trip)

It bothered me significantly due to its complete lack of respect for the layout of the wall

Total disregard for the pattern created by the 15 other picture frames that knew exactly where to hang in order to create an aesthetically pleasing abstraction of art…

Which made me realise something

There’s a safety that comes from knowing what is coming next, keeping tabs on where something is and that comfortable feeling you get when things line up, follow the rules and just bloody well “fit”

Feelings don’t do this

Feelings are fleeting and fickle, follow no format and can’t be framed.

They surprise you and surpass you and sometimes they leave you shaken, unsure and exposed.

This inner world is contained yet uncontainable

And I both love it and fear it.

Avoid it and crave it!

This wild untameable freedom of spontaneity and reckless abandon

The rebel with no applause

She who rides the

unpredictable

wave of feeling and emotion, free from the constraints

of

construct and co-operation, compliance and conformity

Free to hang wherever she damn well pleases, for her own enjoyment, not the satisfaction of others or simply just to follow the “plan”

Very much like the pea picture that really should have known better and just lined up and fit in

I think I actually like that little pea