Halfway happy

42 is pretty bloody awesome.

Young enough to still be healthy and excited by life…old enough to make the most of it

Reaching an age where you no longer have a need for, or wish to engage in, drama and conflict is liberating

Maybe it’s realising that you are quite possibly already half way through your life (and that’s if you’re lucky)

Maybe it’s because you’ve worked so hard to make peace with yourself and your own inner conflicts…

Or maybe it’s just because you get more selective at the battles you’re willing to join, after fighting so hard to become the person you are, at 42

All I know is that I spent the first half of my life learning to walk, talk and think for myself…questioning my own sense of truth until, ultimately…I could fully believe in myself as well

I spent it making (and learning from) mistakes, staying too long in jobs that caused me pain, worrying too much what people thought and turning myself inside out to fight other people’s fights, as well as my own

Inner struggles around feeling safe and “not good enough” before finally realising that I always was

When you’ve fought for so long against perfectionism and self doubt…you run out of desire or energy to fight other people.

Those precious 42 years have wisened me, toughened me but, most of all…they’ve calmed me…

It brought marriage and children, career changes and winning the battle between self sabotage and success (which is much harder than it sounds!)

It forced me to rip up deeply imbedded strands of childhood stresses and teenage anxiety to untangle those knots and make sense of my roots…

…and planted me firmly where I am, truly happy in all facets of my life, today

I see the bigger picture and how pointless it really is…

To fight

To defend ego

To blame

To judge

To fight to win at all costs

I no longer tolerate unnecessary conflict

I find it hard to be moved to anger by petty dramas

I’m sure some people would think it’s avoidance…or confuse calmness with lack of caring…

But I choose to just live and let live…and simply be happy

Cause I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend the last half of my life doing anything else!

changing lanes

Could you?

Could you let someone in, could you give them some space
Would it be too hard, to put a smile on their face

Could you open a door, if you’re already there
Where is the key…if not in your care

Could you slow down a little and take in the view

…be a bit thoughtful in all that you do

I’ve been thinking lately…about driving and drivers. More specifically about people and the way they drive…and how, when you think about it, it’s kind of a metaphor for how we live our lives.

For instance, I’m certain that some people think that when they indicate to change lanes that the earth automatically and most graciously responds to their signal and space simply strettttcccchhhhhes to allow a bigger gap between the two cars already in that lane.

Isn’t the universe awesome? Doing this just for them???

Just this morning I was on my way to work and about to turn right at a ridiculously busy intersection when the the car to my left suddenly braked and flicked their right indicator on. I didn’t hesitate to slow down and allow a gap for them to pull into, to make their life easier.
I saw the drivers hand go up and automatically waved back, feeling happy and satisfied with my good deed, only to realize that they were, in fact, simply brushing hair out of their eyes.

(Or quite possibly they were saluting the universe in recognition of its space stretching abilities…)

Either way it clearly had nothing to do with me.

Makes me wonder about people’s awareness of what’s going on around them. If you’re driving I assume you can see?

And then there is the story of the shiny black and white car who literally flew past me the other day, desperate to get ahead of the pack, going way too fast, but still swerving out of the path of the sidewalk sprinklers so his car would stay pristine. He took off into the distance, overtaking cars as he went…5 minutes later we both stopped at the same red light.

Sound familiar?

We all drive together, co-existing in our seperate little cars, taking turns at the lights and sharing the roads and highways as we move through our days…and barely a day goes by without someone relying on someone else to do something for them to make the journey more pleasant. Be it a big thing like stopping in the rain to help someone change a tyre or simply moving over to make space on the road.

When you think about it our cars engines even take turns using the oxygen around us….

So why is it so hard to thank the person who noticed you and accomodated your needs??

Why is it seemingly impossible for some people to see the other drivers at all? Speeding or simply just not seeing, and completely missing the opportunity to help another driver along their journey…

We could all be totally unaware and just sit still in our cars, ignoring the green lights, glued to our iphones checking Facebook, refusing to merge or give way and we’d all be stuck.

Or we could keep speeding down the road, with our own “important” agendas, and still wind up at the same destination regardless…

Just my thoughts

Until next time….enjoy the ride and keep it real!

Mandy